Currently every seat on the struggle bus is occupied… by me bc oh the struggle has been real the last few days. I think maybe I thought that (say that 5x fast) that I survived the week following the heartbreak and went back to work (at both jobs) so I was doing okay. I’m not okay. And I know grief isn’t linear, waves. Right now it feels like I’ve sprained my ankle, stayed off it for two weeks, RICE, and did everything I’m “supposed” to then a small slip (a video, a memory, a comment) becomes the catalyst for a tumble and refracture. Back to the beginning. Feels like the first day all over again. My meds that work so well to quell my panic attacks are barely tempering the onslaught tonight/this weekend . Snot, sobs, frantic breaths and choking. I wish we had more time.