Seven months without him.

Seven months since I held him in my arms.

The EMDR session helped: it opened up room to alternative narratives. It helped me get closer to accepting this new reality.

“No one ever told me how sorrow traumatizes your heart, making you think it will never beat exactly the same way again. No one ever told me how grief feels like a wet sock in my mouth. One I’m forced to breathe through, thinking that with each breath I’ll come up short and suffocate.”

― Sarah Noffke

Shortly after, he visited my dreams and made another appearance in the kitchen. And so every day I whisper, “Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream”

(Euripides).

I can’t say his name without tearing up and still cry everyday. Some days are harder than others. I’d do anything to have him back. It’s been seven, long months.