The one year anniversary of the worst day of my life is coming up. I’ve dreamt of Linus twice in the last two weeks. I want to believe that he knows how hard it’ll be for me and has been appearing to reassure me.

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Last night’s dream:

I came home. We’re out of the room. I’ve been doing so much traveling. I was on plane. I was on a train and I come into the living room and he’s there at the desk and I just squeeze and squeeze and squeeze him and hold him like he used to let me but grudgingly and I just sniff his warm fur and he doesn’t really try to escape that much. He kind of steps away and then back into my arms and I squeeze him some more And I’m just holding him and I’m sobbing and saying you’re here you’re here I love you. I’ve missed you Linus. You’re here. You’re really here. I can’t believe it. You’re here. You’re here. I love you. I miss you so much. Please don’t go away again please stay here. I love you.

Last week’s dream:

I dreamt of you last night you’re making biscuits on a pillow arms out stretched over the covers and you were purring and your eyes were closed. I came up to you and put my head in your big soft belly and inhaled your sweet fur, and I smiled because I knew it had been a long time since I’ve done this. Lucy was on the other side of the bed and we were all there and it had been a long time since it had been like that, I was so happy, and then I woke up in my dream and I realized I was only dreaming.