I keep thinking of Linus hiding under the bed beginning Friday and then having to drag him out Monday to take him back to the hospital. Our last sleep together, Thursday night.  Friday and then Monday night, when he was home, he hid under the bed.
I had no idea what was coming. I could never have imagined.
 I keep looking for him there in the corner and on the grey bed next to the storage boxes.  He didn’t come out for food or when I called. He didn’t come up on the bed for cuddles when it was bedtime.
So yesterday I moved my bed to the center of the room for the first time since I’ve lived here.  It was actually a sigh of relief.  I ordered a headboard and might move around more furniture. My apartment is small though, it’s hard to not see him everywhere. 

Two days without him.

A lot of you have been asking about Lucy –

She won’t leave my side (well, more than usual) and is always touching me. She’s eating less and only going to her feeder when I’m in the kitchen so I try to get up to get water or a snack, make sure she goes with me. She doesn’t leave the bed. I noticed that overnight she played with some toys. She’s been using the litter box. Lucy let’s me cry into her fur. I can’t tell if she realizes he’s gone or just knows I’m hurting so much, maybe both. I’ve never lost a pet or have anything to compare this to and even though she was a little witch at times, he was a constant presence in her life.

I picked her up and held her like a baby and that was hard bc l hasn’t done that since Tuesday w him. I always thought I’d have to say goodbye to her first. I was so unprepared.